On Making Sure Your Friends Are Up To No Good
January 24, 2007 by discocisco
There’s really nothing more satisfying than knowing you’ve been a bad influence on someone. Sometimes, a gesture as simple as handing a minor their first cigarette or whispering the word “fuck” into an infant’s ear can feel like a meaningful, effortless contribution to the world’s demise.
To the list of things I do to ensure that others are up to no good, we may now add “badgering a brillliant, smart-ass friend until he brings his dark brilliance to others.”
I met this guy at work about a year ago — a friend of a friend. I had just started working at the company and it seemed like “having lunch with a friend of a friend” was exactly the thing to break the wind of change with. So we hung out. We walked around, foraged for some lunch, and began constructing what will probably go down in history as one of the most brilliant platonic relationships between urban thirty-something fagsters. When it became obvious that we should be hanging out in the non-work zone, we exchanged numbers, promised to call one another, and flitted off to our respective floors.
About a week or so later, I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize. So I let it ring over to voicemail and picked up the message a little later. It was him, talking about how we should hang out. But it was different from other messages that said the same thing. There was something about how he chose to say things and the tone with which he said them that had me giggling like a dirty schoolgirl on an airhose.
I saved the message, and then kept saving it over and over again. Everytime my voicemail would threaten to delete it, I would override the command with a double-9 (which, in tone dialing, means leave my fucking message alone, god dammmit). I just couldn’t bear to have the message go away. The sound was just so… different… and special…
The things he says and how he says them.. it’s all near perfect.
Don’t believe me? Go see for yourself.
Do it. You won’t regret it. Use headphones if those around you don’t want to hear about gay ass.
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