On One Being the Loneliest Number
July 20, 2005 by discocisco
Ever feel like you don’t matter? Yes? Good. You should feel that way every once in a while.
Yesterday, I survived a Walmart purchase order, the Kaiser Permanente Emergency Room, a flat tire, a vagabond billfold, a 101 degree fever, and two misunderstandings. I felt let down at least twice and felt like a fuck-up at least that many times. I witnessed numerous other tragedies, but those are the ones that related directly to me and that come to mind.
As I was driving myself home from the hospital yesterday evening, I began to whimper. At first, I think I thought I was crying because the nurse at the emergency room began her first sentence with “I don’t care…” after I tried to tell her that I was going home because the medical imaging department couldn’t see me for another two hours. She was lucky that I was exhausted. I remember putting my finger to my lips and saying, “Shhhh… you shouldn’t say things like that to people like me, not when we’re in this much pain.” I was trying to be funny. I even made my eye twitch for her. She was too busy backpedaling and looking sorry to laugh. It’s obvious my monthly premium doesn’t entitle me to decent healthcare or empathy, so at least laugh at my fucking jokes, I thought.
I picked up my belongings with the good hand and made my way to the nearest exit. When she tried to help me, I hissed back “you’ve done enough,” like a toothless rattlesnake. I thought my delivery was hilarious, especially the way I craned my neck out, as if I were about to bite her. Once again, she stood there looking just looking sorry.
Coming to the realization that you are alone in the world is a great breakthrough to have when you’re sixteen, like I did – lost in your bad poetry and sketches of the pentagram that you hope will one day materialize as homemade or jail-cell tattoos.
But nothing prepares you for that night when you are driving yourself home from the emergency room and you connect the dots to the empty refrigerator and then to the empty bed. I wanted to matter to someone else.
I broke out a new ice pack, fired up the iPod, and felt my way to the song that I knew would finish me off. If you’re a smart, efficient man, you know to have a song like this picked out for this kind of situation. I picked out Wise Up by Aimee Mann.
“It’s not what you thought when you first began it. You got what you want. Now you can hardly stand it though – by now you know it’s not going to stop. It’s not going to stop. It’s not going to stop till you wise up.”
And that’s when I started crying. I was getting what I wanted. And she was right. I could hardly stand it.

247 Responses to “On One Being the Loneliest Number”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
oh dear, you so weren’t kidding about the msdoml or whatever you called it in the email.
for the record my favorite aimee mann song to cry to is the one that goes;
I keep going round and round on the same old circuit.
A wire travles underground to a vacant lot.
Where something I can’t see interrupts the current.
And shrinks the picture down to a tiny dot.
And from behind the screen, it can look so perfect.
But it’s not.
So here im sittin in my car at the same old stop light.
I keep waiting for a change, but I don’t know what.
So red turns into green, turning into yellow.
But I’m just frozen here on the same old spot.
And all I have to do is press the pedal.
But I’m not. No I’m not.
Well people are tricky,
You can’t afford to show,
anything risky, anything they don’t know.
The moment you try, well kiss it goodbye.
So baby kiss me like a drug, like a respirator.
And let me fall into the dream of the astrounaut.
Where I get lost in space that goes on forever.
And you make all the rest just an after thought.
And I believe it’s you who could make it better.
But it’s not. No it’s not
that’s the one that sends me to the liqour cabinet every time.
Oh speaking of liquor to try and address the whole passport issue, I went and got myself an age of majority card at teh yukon liqour board today. which is silly because the id is so fake looking ( even though its not).. Basically its some littel card that looks like the visual equivalent of a card that says;
” This girl can drink! yeah!” in a redneck kind of a voice.
Anyways, i am leaving tomorrow fake id in hand wish me luck and I hope you have better days from here on in.
xoxoox
mir
tattoo flash
tattoo flash
i love that song…”its not”
tattoo
tattoo
tattoo
tattoo
tattoo design
tattoo design
thailand
thailand
psychotherapy
psychotherapy
virtual gambling
virtual gambling
tattoo
tattoo
tattoo
tattoo
online casino
online casino gamblingbest online casinoonline casino game
online casino
online casino gamblingbest online casinoonline casino game
thailand
thailand
earn money
earn money
online casino
online casino
online casino
online casino
online casino
online casino
womens health
womens health
online roulette
online roulette
casino
casino games
online casino
online casino
tahoe casino
tahoe casino
create a character
star war charactercartoon characterdisney character
free card game
casino card gamebaccarat card gamecard game
online casino
best online casino gamblingonline casino bettingfree…
mike in brazil
Interesting…. nice
alprazolam overdose
alprazolam dosagealprazolam cod2mg alprazolam
thailand
thailand
Big Naturals
I like your site!
Pacific Poker
The future of internet marketing
Milf Hunter
Microsoft wants to buy google?
Gambling Online
The new way of communication
tattoo picture
tattoo picture
Milf
The most important thing
Cumfiesta
I want to tell you one thing…
Casino Gaming
That is really cool
tanning bed
tanning bed
Cum Fiesta
To be honest
play baccarat
play baccarat
gasoline
gasoline
Texas Holdem Poker
What is more
Casino Gaming
Red Cross Relief In Higher Gear
Cumfiesta
Scores of ‘fighters’ held in Iraq
Mega Cock Cravers
Quite nice
Tranny Surprise
I dont believe you
Hairy Pussy
APEC FM’s meeting discusses capital movement, aging economies
Gambling Online
I can hardly believe it
Cum Fiesta
Kenya’s poverty ‘not a surprise’
Milf hunter
North Korea Nuclear Talks to Resume September 13
we live together
Saddam lawyer denies confessing to deaths
Milf
Judge Orders Berger to Pay $50,000 Fine
Pacific Poker
Great IDEA
Street Blowjobs
Man indicted for plotting to assasinate Bush
Big Naturals
Japan post office’s rural redoubt
young breasts
teen lesbian nude teen teen gallery topples teens in thongs teen porn o…
gay boys
gay fuck gay anal gay sex gay chat gay porn gay blowjobs
tattoos
tattoos
tattoos
tattoos
hurricane tracker
hurricane tracker
names and their meanings
names and their meanings
top 100 baby names
top 100 baby names
names and their meanings
names and their meanings
criminal justice
criminal justice
hemorrhoids
hemorrhoids
job search
job search
search engine
search engine
lexapro
lexapro
family guy
family guy
sedu hair styles
sedu hair styles
donate car
donate car
Cheap Generic Celebrex
What is more
Cheap Generic Viagra
Winning Flight 93 Memorial Chosen
Cheap Generic Levitra
Thank You for Commenting
Cheap Generic Wellbutrin
Officials: Guard Deployment Hurt Response
Cheap Pharmacy Online
Yeltsin Said Has Hip Operation in Russia
Internet Jackpot
Gaza killing raises fears on stability after pull-out
Internet Blakcjack
New Orleans colleges face uncertain future
internet texas holdem poker
Red Cross Relief In Higher Gear
Online Casino Games
Report: Stroke, not poison killed Arafat
Internet Roulette
Fire delays Penn trains
texas hold em poker
Election commission rejects rerun request in Egypt
pacific poker
North Korea Nuclear Talks to Resume September 13
Play Online Craps
New Orleans colleges face uncertain future
Casino Gaming
Sri Lanka Tamil rebels reject new venue for peace talks
party poker
New Orleans colleges face uncertain future
Internet Casino Gaming
Second poll shows Merkel without majority
online poker games
Yeltsin Said Has Hip Operation in Russia
free poker online
North Korea Nuclear Talks to Resume September 13
free casino game
What is more
Captain Stabbin
APEC FM’s meeting discusses capital movement, aging economies
Mikes Apartment
Blair: Terrorists not freedom fighters
Boys First Time
Gazprom Agrees With E.ON, BASF on Natural-Gas Link (Update2)
viagra
viagra
hemorrhoids
hemorrhoids
hemorrhoids
hemorrhoids
real estate appraisal
real estate appraisal
flights airlines
flights airlines
spybot
spybot
pantyhose aunt nephew fucking kinky scat faq
.
asiankoreanx gay live cams hairless sister brother incest
.
raperoughx son fucks mother spankingpunishx sex dating
.
anal eet livecams teen anal
.
storiesstoriesx wife gangbang stories anime mother son lust
.
LOOK AT THIS LINK
On One Being the Lonel…
LOOK AT THIS LINK
On One Being the Lonel…
list historical stock prices
lady eve27s foot jobs high quality poker tables horse farm sex slot cars …
pussy fisting
teen fisting gay latino anal fisting shaved pussy
big tits
sex toy rabbit vibrator dildos double dildo double dildo
green bay packers
green bay packers
kelly blue book
kelly blue book
Mike In Brazil
Gaza killing raises fears on stability after pull-out
cheap ticket
cheap ticket
spybot
spybot
ryan air
ryan air
kelly blue book
kelly blue book
american west airlines
american west airlines
fat burning pills
fat burning pills
southwest airlines
southwest airlines
garlic pills
garlic pills
milfrider
milfrider
black booty porn
black booty porn
chgqvqvr
qf49xv6g ef6n5b9o 84ncbh7x 5vm8oxfp …
southwest flights
southwest flights
irs
irs
irs
irs
hair styles
hair styles
naked girls
naked girls
big boobs
big boobs
massages
massages
cheap furniture
cheap furniture
icbc
icbc
black sex
black sex
sex webcams
sex webcams
southwest airlines
southwest airlines
superbowl
superbowl
kelly blue book
kelly blue book
amtrak
amtrak
war in iran
war in iran
dvd shrink
dvd shrink
craigslist
craigslist
air europa
air europa
marijuana depression
marijuana depression
remington shotguns
remington shotguns
pure hoodia gordonii
pure hoodia gordonii
phentermine 375mg
phentermine 375mg
catholicchurches
catholicchurches
hoodia
hoodia
homebased business
homebased business
used cars
used cars
kelly blue book rv
kelly blue book rv
search for people
search for people
free nice pics
thank you
very good site
aircanada
aircanada
basketball equipment
basketball equipment
xbox
xbox
ediets
ebusiness
nikon d70
rolling stocks
rolling stocks
south park
forex training
cellphones
poems
american airlines
american airlines
hot photo shots
tgp exellent pics
cheap air fares
cheap air fares
kelleybluebook
searchengines
aderoll
aderoll
freegames
universityofmichigan
universityofmichigan
universityofmaryland
universityofmaryland
indianauniversity
indianauniversity
paris hilton
free people search
home furnishings
home furnishings
airline tickets
new car prices
captain cook
captain cook
rivotril
rivotril
pure hoodia
pure hoodia
hoodia gnc
hoodia gnc
kelly blue book
doxycycline
doxycycline
hoodia
xanaxsideeffects
xanaxsideeffects
ephedra com
ephedra com
sable holiday
sable holiday
southwest airlines
southwest airlines
debthelp
debthelp
frontierairlines
frontierairlines
mesothelioma
mesothelioma
mesothelioma attorney
mesothelioma attorney
ipod
ipod
lasik cost
lasik cost
cheap airline tickets
cheap airline tickets
discounted airline tickets
discounted airline tickets
icelandair
icelandair
kelly blue book
kelly blue book
home equity loan nevada
home equity loan nevada
kelly clarkson
kelly clarkson
thegame
thegame
kelly blue book
kelly blue book
kidsgames
kidsgames
shootinggames
shootinggames
gameparts
gameparts
rpg games
rpg games
free web games
free web games
southwest airlines
southwest airlines
empire poker
empire poker
prepaidcreditcards
prepaidcreditcards
cheap tickets
cheap tickets
green card
green card
mesothelioma lawyer
mesothelioma lawyer
baseball cards
baseball cards
scholarship
scholarship
clonazepam order
clonazepam order
nfl odds
nfl odds
ford trucks
ford trucks
chase
chase
malignant mesothelioma
malignant mesothelioma
modular homes
modular homes
searchengines
searchengines
lawyers mesothelioma org
lawyers mesothelioma org
bigtrucks
bigtrucks
southwest airlines
southwest airlines
kelly blue book
h57 hoodia
cheap ticket
cheap ticket
free gangbang videos
free nylon stocking gallery interracial lesbians
public enemy
phoenix public library exhibitionism dare large breast in public
black and white dragons
interracial gay sex interracial pregnant white men fucking black women
scat clips
gay scat eaters free scat galleries free scat …
amatuer teens
amature pictures nude amateur amateur sluts
rainbow tarot woman mp3
rainbow all night long mp3 rainbow still im sad mp3
alice cooper the life & crimes of alice cooper (cd 2) mp3
2 unlimited get ready for this sugababes buster mp3 phil collins hang in long enough mp3
mature lesbians
interracial lesbians lesbian pink free lesbian sex videos
scooter the singles rough and tough and dangerous 94-98 (cd1) mp3
scooter jigga jigga (a1 club mix) mp3 scooter panties wanted mp3 scooter the stadium techno experience (cd1) mp3
lesbians sex
free lesbian videos lesbian porn lesbian sex stories
leg warmers
tiny tits young gay 16 boys mature nude women
pregnant model
pregnant tits first signs of being pregnant pregnant cartoons
long blowjob
teen blowjob horse blowjob street blowjobs
gay watersports
men caught peeing women desperate to pee young girls peeing