» On Slamming Into The Great Wall Theoretica

On Slamming Into The Great Wall

May 26, 2005 by discocisco

I keep waking up and thinking, during my drive to work, that today is the day I’m going to say something so brilliantly poignant or so sublime that it makes people’s ears wet just to hear it.

Then I start thinking about shampoo and before I know it, it’s time to wheel my quivering guts to the Chinese food buffet for lunch. In case you’re interested and/or skeptical, let me say that seven dollars and ninety-nine cents at Panda Express builds one great wall of fried rice, noodles, and generally crispy chicken.

I guess the main - and only - problem with eating at Panda Express everyday is that I feel like dying after everytime I eat there. Going to a buffet is the last thing that a boy still shrugging off poverty should be doing with his time… and, well, stomach.

I came to the realization yesterday morning – yet again – as I watched a pair of german-looking nerds walk by, that the only thing weighing me down from the ceilingless atmosphere of success is ownership of a Scantron machine. I felt so paralyzed by my lack of one, that I walked back to my apartment and spent the rest of the day making bad music. I kept using phrases like “my heart’s full of song like a bucket full of blood.”

I watched five minutes of American Idol the other night at a friend’s house and I have, sadly, become reassured that I am not the only person in this country singing out of tune on weeknights. Nobody was any good.

My friend Miriam is going to come visit me and I’m going to rope her into forcing me to buy a Scantron machine. I need to be forced to do things, lately.

Posted in Uncategorized | 95 Comments

95 Responses to “On Slamming Into The Great Wall”

on 27 May 2005 at 5:45 pm1 Suzie

So, what kinds of tests or surveys will you make us take when you have your Scantron machine?
on 29 May 2005 at 8:36 pm2 miriam

what is a scantron machine?

can I hook it up to my vibrator and then use it to program Al Green songs into that sucker or something..?

it sounds exciting whatever it is.

ps: don’t waste your time blogging if you are making good music. music is definitely more important.
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