» On Expressing Your Personhood Through The Magic of Pastels Theoretica

On Expressing Your Personhood Through The Magic of Pastels

March 5, 2005 by discocisco

Everybody hurts. Especially when there’s bad art lying around. Bad art is the tragedy of form.

Bad art doesn’t grow on trees any more than money or syphilis does. Most of it can be blamed on that horrible pedagogical practice of training children to drain their emotional boils through artistic expression. Nobody wants to see a sad child. Not me, not the devil himself. But teaching kids to deal with their messed-up feelings by creating a poem just hurts everybody down the line. Somebody get that kid a gun or a good old-fashioned addiction but don’t hand him a box of crayons.

Nothing makes bad art feel right. In a recent survey of over-educated do-gooders, a shocking 9 out of 10 respondents firmly stated that their support for the Bush Administration would be greatly increased if criminal prosecution of bad artists was heightened. One went so far as to say that, “I mean, I would totally be on board with that homeland security thing… I just don’t get why bad art isn’t one of the targets. I don’t know, you know?” Sadly, Respondent 39, I think we know exactly what you mean. Personally, I don’t want to live in a world free of terror if I can’t be safe from bad art.

The perpetrator of bad art dips his finger into the ass of pain wearing a latex glove, pulls out a beautifully horrid human emotion and then spreads it around canvas or papyrus in the shape of a happy-face. The attention-mongering and bored of the world drape their debutante dresses over the ugly human condition. The success of bad artistic expression lies in its ability to substitute the greatest common denominator of human experience FOR the universal aspects of the human condition.

But whereas looking at bad art is painful, making it is pure joy. Just the other day, for instance, I was “totally in my dark space,” and figured I’d “have some internal dialogue” by drawing a self-portrait using oil pastels. I put on some Aimee Mann, got into my PJs and drew a picture of my pain. To the left is a scan of what I came up with. As immodest as it may sound, I don’t think the scan does my lack-of-technique justice. Let’s face it, the work of art loses it’s je-ne-sais-quoi in the age of digital reproduction.

I had a ton of fun, blew off some steam, and felt okay about being debaucherous for the rest of the weekend because I had “birthed a little part of me.” So go ahead, express yourself. Just don’t throw a party and try to sell it to anyone when you’re all done.

Posted in Uncategorized | 151 Comments

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